Thursday, June 26, 2008

What I'm missing

"So you're really happy being single? Don't you feel like you are missing anything?"

That was something like the question posed to me yesterday evening. I went on to explain that of course there are things I'm looking forward to in marriage, but I'm not going to just sit around and be miserable until I buy a ring.

But that got me thinking: What am I missing right now? What do I wish I had?

The answer kind of surprised me, because it is something I recently joked about not liking during the internship I just finished.

During this internship we would have weekly meetings on Wednesday from noon to one. At the end of these meetings we would have the section of the meeting entitled "Feedback." This was (usually) the most intense part of the meeting, when Gary-my intern leader-and the other leaders would be brutally honest about our mistakes and shortcomings, as well as the areas where we had impressed them and they were excited about seeing progress.

"Okay, anyone have feedback?" As Gary said those words all three of us interns would grip our pen and stare unwaveringly at our blank notebooks. Waiting for what would come next . . .

That's what I think I'm missing.

Not the intensity, but the complete honesty coming from someone I knew loved me. I never had to worry that Gary was saying something just because he was nice to everyone, nope, he was telling me exactly what he thought, not sugar-coated but still with kindness. We had committed to building each other up. I was looking out for him and he was looking out for me.

And I know I am missing out on that part of dating or marriage. To be able to tell the person you love exactly what you are thinking and have them tell you what they are thinking; no games or half-truths.

Not that I don't have people to talk to, I am blessed with so many good friends. As I am typing one person in particular is coming to mind who I love sharing details with and hearing about what is going on in their struggle to save the world.

But tomorrow they might be tired of me. Meet someone more interesting.

And I know that, and I have to be okay with it, because there isn't any commitment.

So, in summation, I think what I'm missing out on by not being in a relationship right now is completely honest conversation; feedback.

Oh, and hugs. For someone I care about to see me, run up to me, and hold me because they are so glad I'm there. I'm definitely missing out on that too.

Here's a cool poem on the subject:

"O the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as it is, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keeping what is worth keeping and then, with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." -George Eliot

2 comments:

Becky said...

I've seen that poem before somewhere, and didn't realize it was Eliot. Beautiful. You're doing a lot of introspective thinking, Caleb. Keep it up. :o)

Kristopher Loewen said...

In my experience, that transparency and honesty is only there if it is worked for in a marriage relationship...it just doesn't happen if its left to chance or accident; kind of like every other relationship I guess (I mean, you and Gary and co didn't just "fall" into your 'feedback' sessions without intentionality).
So yeah, you might be missing it with a wife...but I think the majority of married couples miss it as well and they (I would assume) have wives/husbands.
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